I fell for you at the last minute, the last second, on a likely-hot August night among my crumpled bedsheets and a dim phone screen. For about twenty days after that, you were mine.
Well now apparently I’m not yours. And since the day you arrived here I had a sour feeling in my stomach that this wasn’t going to happen. A waste of a summer. Anticipating your kisses and arms and love was pathetic of me. I was so assuming. I thought for sure this would work – so spontaneous, I was willing to be yours. And you, the one who wanted me more, left me alone in a cloud of my own wishes and our disintegrated future.
Well, I’d like to let you know that I’m done. Twenty days of being completely infatuated by you were apparently not enough. Perhaps my fault, but most likely yours.
What a shame – I told you so much about my life, my dreams, my likes and dislikes, etc, etc. And you told me how I’m so pretty, nice, perfect, etc, etc.
And now you don’t have the decency to say hi to me.
Of all people, you’re the last person I expected to come out of the closet as an asshole. Congrats.
I saw three pictures of you on Instagram today.
The first, I saw your small, pale face and for once, didn’t even bat an eye. I just stared, in awe of how I let someone like you take everything out of someone like me. I guess it’s not hard to do, use a person like me until her heartstrings are wrapped around your every finger.
The second I saw you with a girl. A girl you claim to love although the feeling is not mutual. It’s all too familiar.
The third I saw you with a friend. The position you put me in, the position I’m not so sure if I’m willing to fill this year.
How foolish of me, yet how foolish of you. I could have had the moon and stars, and you an endless galaxy.
Once again I can’t tell what I want and what I don’t. All I know is that when my lips will inevitably meet yours, the back of my mind will be wanting him instead.
And my heart. It’ll want him too.
1: A song you like with a color in the title “Fields of Gold” – covered by Eva Cassidy
2: A song you like with a number in the title “3 AM” – Matchbox Twenty
3: A song that reminds you of summertime “Summer Love” – JT
4: A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about “Song For An Actress” – Hoodie Allen
5: A song that needs to be played LOUD “That’s My Kind of Night” – Luke Bryan
6: A song that makes you want to dance “I’m Still Hot” – Luciana
7: A song to drive to “The One That Got Away” – Jake Owen
8: A song about drugs or alcohol “Pursuit of Happiness” – Kid Cudi
9: A song that makes you happy “Drops of Jupiter” – Train
10: A song that makes you sad “If You’re Gone” – Matchbox Twenty
11: A song that you never get tired of “3 Am” – Matchbox Twenty
12: A song from your preteen years “So Yesterday” – Hilary Duff
13: One of your favorite 80’s songs “Summer of ’69” – Bryan Adams
14: A song that you would love played at your wedding “It’s Tricky” – Run DMC
15: A song that is a cover by another artist “Wild Horses” – Charlotte Martin
16: One of your favorite classical songs “Kiss the Rain” – Yurimo
17: A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke “Total Eclipse of the Heart” – Bonnie Tyler
18: A song from the year that you were born “Waterfalls” – TLC
19: A song that makes you think about life “In My Life” – cover by Allison Crowe
20: A song that has many meanings to you “Foolish Games” – Jewel
21: A favorite song with a person’s name in the title “Come on Eileen” – Dexy’s Midnight Runners
22: A song that moves you forward “I Don’t Wanna Wait” – Paula Cole
23: A song that you think everybody should listen to “The Difference” – Matchbox Twenty
24: A song by a band you wish were still together “Wonderwall” – Oasis
25: A song by an artist no longer living “Yesterday” – cover by Eva Cassidy
26: A song that makes you want to fall in love “I Will Love You” – Fisher
27: A song that breaks your heart “Foolish Games” – Jewel
28: A song by an artist with a voice that you love “To Love You More” – Celine Dion
29: A song that you remember from your childhood “Surrender” – Cheap Trick
30: A song that reminds you of yourself “Play It Again” – Luke Bryan
I read your name today.
Came across it on a frequently-traveled website.
I guess it wasn’t your specific name,
But the same name belonging to someone else.
When I read those five perfectly-placed letters,
My heart soared five miles.
How those five perfectly-placed letters
Could make me think of so much,
So many memories, feelings, thoughts, emotions, secrets
Belonging to you and I.